Parenting- Are We Screwing This Whole Thing Up?
- Dan & Shawn, Transcribed by Suzi Saunders
- Aug 2, 2017
- 3 min read
We were just reading through this blog post by Rhonda Stephens, called: Parenting: Are We Getting A Raw Deal? It really brought to light many of the things we have discussed in our own personal conversations about how much parenting and the view of being a good parent has changed in the course of the last 40 years. This conversation started based on a newspaper article we saw circulating the internet.
Think about how much parenting has changed. Back in the day, parents didn't overwhelm their children with schedules and micromanagement. Instead, they focused on more important things that included allowing their children to make mistakes in order to make self discoveries.
We give our kids everything we possibly can to make their lives "easier." Truthfully though, the more research we've done, the more we are starting to see the trend that by making things easier for our kids early in life, we are actually making it much more difficult for them to be successful adults- not to mention how hard it is on the parents of these adult children.
If our kids are not required to work for anything now, they won't know how to work for it in the future. If we give our kids everything, they are going to expect everything and start to feel entitled.
In Suzi's blog, Jones & Poe, she often pays tribute to the topic of discomfort. She was just discussing in one of her recent posts, the importance of discomfort. Discomfort helps to facilitate change, opportunity and above all achievement/success.
In Rhonda Stephens' blog post, she outlines some of the things she says we are preventing our children from learning:
Delayed gratification is a really good thing. It teaches you perseverance and how to determine the true value of something. Our kids don’t know a damn thing about delayed gratification. To them, delayed gratification is waiting for their phone to charge.
Problem-solving skills and the ability to manage emotion are crucial life skills. Kids now have every problem solved for them. Good luck calling their college professor to argue about how they should have another shot at that final because they had two other finals to study for and were stressed. Don’t laugh, parents have tried it.
Independence allows you to discover who you really are, instead of being what someone else expects you to be. It was something I craved. These kids have traded independence for new cars and Citizen jeans. They will live under someone’s thumb forever, if it means cool stuff. I would have lived in borderline condemned housing, and survived off of crackers and popsicles to maintain my independence. Oh wait, I actually did that. It pisses me off. You’re supposed to WANT to grow up and forge your way in the world; not live on someone else’s dime, under someone else’s rule, and too often these days, under someone else’s roof.
Common sense is that little something extra that allows you to figure out which direction is north, how to put air in your tires, or the best route to take at a certain time of day to avoid traffic. You develop common sense by making mistakes and learning from them. It’s a skill best acquired in a setting where it’s safe to fail, and is only mastered by actually doing things for yourself. By micromanaging our kids all the time, we’re setting them up for a lifetime of cluelessness and ineptitude. At a certain age, that cluelessness becomes dangerous. I’ve seen women marry to avoid thinking for themselves, and for some it was the wisest course of action.
Mental toughness is what allows a person to keep going despite everything going wrong. People with mental toughness are the ones who come out on top. They battle through job losses, difficult relationships, illness, and failure. It is a quality born from adversity. Adversity is a GOOD thing. It teaches you what you’re made of. It puts into practice the old saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. It’s life’s teacher. Our bubble-wrapped kids are so sheltered from adversity, I wonder how the mental health professionals will handle them all after the world chews them up and spits them out a few times.
Check out her original blog post here:
What are your thoughts?
Do we need to pull back on our overbearing, give them everything we can approach with our kids?
What are some methods you use as a parent to teach them life lessons including the value of time and money?
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